The Swan-Song of W. N. Praeger

Let us go and do a Tri'
When the morning has massaged the sky
like an athlete laid out upon the table;
Let us go through nameless dark deserted streets
With goggles, cap, and cleats,
After restless nights in one-night cheap motels
And fans with beers and tin cow-bells.
Competitors that follow like a tedious argument
With drafting his intent
To lead you to an overwhelming question ...
May I ask, "Where is T2?"
or "Mind if rack here next to you?"

On a day when athletes wait to "go"
Talking of Sram and Shimano

The yellow fog that rubs its back upon the sani-cans
The yellow smoke that rubs its muzzle on the sani-cans
Licked its tongue into the corners of the morning
Lingered in pools behind registration
Carried on the backs of volunteers from the "Y"
Wafted over the lake as if to steep
And seeing that it was a soft July day
Curdled my chocolate milk, and fell asleep

And God willing there will be time
For the yellow smoke that slides behind the tent
Rubbing its back upon the sani-cans;
There will be time, there will be time
To get my wetsuit on and then to go get wet;
There will be time to warm-up ... then cool down
And time for all the words and directions too
That lift and drop a question that I own;
Time to pump and time to tape.
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions of my division.
Before the final plunge and pee.

On this day when athletes dive and go
Talking of Sram and Shimano.

And indeed there will be time
To wonder, "Do I dare?" and, "Do I care?"
Time to wander back and get into my car.
Not so bold as perhaps the others are -
(They will ask: "Why are you not so thin!")
My legs are shaved, my waistband showing just a little skin,
My kit is modest but held together with a safety pin
(They will say: "But eww, his arms and legs are thin!")
Do I dare
Put life into reverse?
In a minute there is time
To toe the line and challenge the whole universe

For I have seen them all already, seen them all-
Have seen the swimmers, runners, cyclists too,
Boast of their superhuman VO2;
I hear the voices of my family give a call
Beneath the music in my training room.
So how should I resume?

And I have known the lies already, known them all-
The lies that fix you in a formulated phrase,
And when I am formulated, fussing with my pin,
When I am stretching out my quads and glutes
That's when I shall begin
To lie like a dog about triple workout days.
Then how they will presume.

I wish I had a pair of Hed Jett wheels
And arms and legs as strong as iron springs.
....

And would it have been worth it, after all,
After the gels, the smoothies, the Nuun,
Among the frozen bottles, and talk of lecithin.
Would it have been worth while
To have bitten off the Power Bar
To have squeezed every drop of Gu from the foil
And rolled it gently down my throat,
And then to say: "I am Macca, back from the dead,
Back from Kona to tell you, to tell you all" -
Then Chrissy, smiling sweetly all the while
Should say; "That is not what I do at all.
That is not right at all."

No! I am not Alexander, nor was meant to be;
Am an attendant coach, one that will do
To swell the masses, start a race or two,
Advise the team; sometimes a little cruel,
Deferential, glad to be of use,
Politic, cautious, and felicitous
Full of high sentence, but way too obtuse;
Most times, indeed downright ridiculous-
Almost, at times, a tool.

I grow old ... I grow old
I hope my thermal tights keep out the cold.

Shall I head out for a swim? Do I dare leave the beach?
I shall wear a full length wetsuit, and float like a peach.
I have heard the dolphins calling, each to each.

I sure wish they would swim with me

I have seen them racing seaward through the waves
Climbing the white caps of the waves blown black
Red caps bobbing like buoys blown back

I have struggled long in the confines of the pool;
Run a thousand hills, Ridden my bike up and down.
Ride, and run, and swim, or you'll drown.


Apologies to Mr. Elliot.