The Swan-Song of W. N. Praeger

Let us go and do a Tri'
When the morning has massaged the sky
like an athlete laid out upon the table;
Let us go through nameless dark deserted streets
With goggles, cap, and cleats,
After restless nights in one-night cheap motels
And fans with beers and tin cow-bells.
Competitors that follow like a tedious argument
With drafting his intent
To lead you to an overwhelming question ...
May I ask, "Where is T2?"
or "Mind if rack here next to you?"

On a day when athletes wait to "go"
Talking of Sram and Shimano

The yellow fog that rubs its back upon the sani-cans
The yellow smoke that rubs its muzzle on the sani-cans
Licked its tongue into the corners of the morning
Lingered in pools behind registration
Carried on the backs of volunteers from the "Y"
Wafted over the lake as if to steep
And seeing that it was a soft July day
Curdled my chocolate milk, and fell asleep

And God willing there will be time
For the yellow smoke that slides behind the tent
Rubbing its back upon the sani-cans;
There will be time, there will be time
To get my wetsuit on and then to go get wet;
There will be time to warm-up ... then cool down
And time for all the words and directions too
That lift and drop a question that I own;
Time to pump and time to tape.
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions of my division.
Before the final plunge and pee.

On this day when athletes dive and go
Talking of Sram and Shimano.

And indeed there will be time
To wonder, "Do I dare?" and, "Do I care?"
Time to wander back and get into my car.
Not so bold as perhaps the others are -
(They will ask: "Why are you not so thin!")
My legs are shaved, my waistband showing just a little skin,
My kit is modest but held together with a safety pin
(They will say: "But eww, his arms and legs are thin!")
Do I dare
Put life into reverse?
In a minute there is time
To toe the line and challenge the whole universe

For I have seen them all already, seen them all-
Have seen the swimmers, runners, cyclists too,
Boast of their superhuman VO2;
I hear the voices of my family give a call
Beneath the music in my training room.
So how should I resume?

And I have known the lies already, known them all-
The lies that fix you in a formulated phrase,
And when I am formulated, fussing with my pin,
When I am stretching out my quads and glutes
That's when I shall begin
To lie like a dog about triple workout days.
Then how they will presume.

I wish I had a pair of Hed Jett wheels
And arms and legs as strong as iron springs.
....

And would it have been worth it, after all,
After the gels, the smoothies, the Nuun,
Among the frozen bottles, and talk of lecithin.
Would it have been worth while
To have bitten off the Power Bar
To have squeezed every drop of Gu from the foil
And rolled it gently down my throat,
And then to say: "I am Macca, back from the dead,
Back from Kona to tell you, to tell you all" -
Then Chrissy, smiling sweetly all the while
Should say; "That is not what I do at all.
That is not right at all."

No! I am not Alexander, nor was meant to be;
Am an attendant coach, one that will do
To swell the masses, start a race or two,
Advise the team; sometimes a little cruel,
Deferential, glad to be of use,
Politic, cautious, and felicitous
Full of high sentence, but way too obtuse;
Most times, indeed downright ridiculous-
Almost, at times, a tool.

I grow old ... I grow old
I hope my thermal tights keep out the cold.

Shall I head out for a swim? Do I dare leave the beach?
I shall wear a full length wetsuit, and float like a peach.
I have heard the dolphins calling, each to each.

I sure wish they would swim with me

I have seen them racing seaward through the waves
Climbing the white caps of the waves blown black
Red caps bobbing like buoys blown back

I have struggled long in the confines of the pool;
Run a thousand hills, Ridden my bike up and down.
Ride, and run, and swim, or you'll drown.


Apologies to Mr. Elliot.

Train Like You are a Forest, not a Tree

The "experts" say that athletic fitness has three components; endurance, strength, and flexibility. They say that different sports require different measures of each. For instance marathoners may have tons of endurance, but not much strength and flexibility, while a weight-lifter has lots of strength and flexibility but no endurance. While the ratios may change, all three are required in some measure to be successful, and the more of each that you have, the better athlete you will be.

This is a nice little formula that works for school administrators when evaluating P.E. curricula, but it doesn't come close to capturing everything it takes to improve as an athlete.

Trainers and sports researchers have now added speed, balance, and core strength to the original three metrics mentioned above. If endurance, strength, and flexibility are the building blocks of an athlete, then speed, balance, and core integrity are the mortar holding it all together. Neither group is worth anything without the other.

Besides musculoskeletal strength, an athlete must also prepare mentally. An athlete will need motivation, resilience, and good technique in order to keep pushing when life and training don't go according to plan.

And of course everyone agrees that training your muscles and your brain aren't worth a darn if you have a lousy diet.

As if that weren't enough, there are many intangible qualities possessed by successful athletes. Athletes must have a healthy sense of humor, understand the importance of sportsmanship, and strive to maintain a good balance between their personal, professional, and athletic lives.

Often times I see people try to tackle this list in a systematic or mechanical way. Long rides for endurance -- check. Pilates for core strength -- check. Push-ups for strength -- check. And so on and so on.

That is not the way I do things and here is why.

As training methods get more "scientific" they also get more specific and focused. I suggest however that your body and brain respond better to more general and holistic stimuli. Just like a team, or a corporation, or a forest, or any other complex system in the world, an athlete's performance is equal to more than the sum of its parts. So instead of trying to compartmentalize all of your training, you should strive to work on several, if not all, elements of fitness at every practice. Instead of doing lots of indoor bike training where you might maximize your optimal-power-output-to-heart-rate-ratio, you should do most of your riding outside where you can not only strive for optimal power, but also learn to climb, take corners, build endurance, stay focused in a wind storm, and sprint for all the city limit signs.

I understand that addressing each individual component seems rational and efficient, but it is that same kind of "rational and efficient" ethos that turns rivers into reservoirs, workshops into assembly lines, and schools into young adult factories. There is of course a place for the scientific application of basic principles, but to do so at the cost of a holistic approach is I think a mistake.

To illustrate I have to make a confession. I like to play golf. And that game is a good example of what I am talking about. To get better at golf you could go to a driving range and hit a thousand balls, then putt for hours on a practice green, then try chipping over lawn furniture in your back yard and in the end think that you have mastered the skills of the game. But when you are out on the course and you have to hit over a little patch of tall grass between you and the hole, your mind will start to play games with you and that easy chip chunks right into the hazard. Of course good golfers will practice their skills but they realize it means nothing without the ability to put all the pieces together on the course. Everyone knows Jack Nicklaus, but no one knows the national long-drive champion. That's because no one cares. Hitting the ball far is not golf. Similarly, high power numbers on a stationary bike will never win you any races.

"You idiot," you may say, "The science of sports performance has advanced tremendously in the last thirty years so it would be down right republican of you to ignore the empirical evidence and cling to the old sloppy ways of training." "Advanced?" Thirty years ago the New York Marathon was won by Alberto and Grete, both of whom ran FASTER than this years winners Meb and Derartu. (Alberto beat Meb by four seconds, and Grete would have won by three minutes). Similarly, the times at the Ironman World Championships in Hawaii are remarkably similar to the times posted twenty years ago when aero handlebars were first introduced. The course record set this year by Chrissie Wellington was 17 years old and all but one of Mark Allen's six first place times would have toasted Craig Alexander this year. So what is an athlete to do? Work on everything all the time. You won't be alone. Many world class athletes still train this way. Sure, they do lower intensity workouts in the winter; then ramp things up as the racing season starts; but it is not much more complicated than that.

Save the rocket science for firing rockets. Training is something completely different.

I just "bought" a 40 year young Columbia tandem from a woman at my Dad's condo. It is just like the picture accept for some rust, dust, and lots of that furry dirt that builds up on old greassy chains. It came with a brand new u-lock which is probably worth more than the bike.
Single speed and a coaster brake. Perfect for riding around Kirkland and the surrounding hills. Mine has the original everything. Including some awsome red and white comfort sadles. No ugly white covers on my baby. I'll keep you posted on how the refirb' goes.

Every summer some poor soul is found up in the Cascades at the bottom of a huge cliff where he fell to his premature end. I have always wondered; how does someone accidentally walk off a cliff? After my Team in Training practice yesterday I think I now know how this happens.
I gave everyone a map of the Redmond Watershed with arrows directing them on a 4.5 mile loop. Well, everyone missed the first turn 2 miles into the run. The trail ended at some neighborhood cul-de-sac and even though it was highly unlikely that there were giant homes in the public watershed, everyone just kept running. Out onto the streets, then onto the highway, then God knows where else.
Besides blaming myself for making the assumption that people could run and follow a map at the same time, I blame Audra and Cat. they were leading and at the point when they realized they were lost, instead of turning around and finding the true course, they just kept going. The reason I think they did this lies in some ingrained human frailty. Because they were the "leaders" turning around would have put them in an awkward or shameful group situation. The "followers" were not totally without fault either. Some of them must have sensed or known that they were off course, but they kept silent and just kept following.
So back to my lost hiker. When you are lost in the woods, (or anywhere I suppose) panic sets in and though it may not result in running in circles screaming, it can however make you walk mindlessly on. Instead of spending energy on actual route finding one's mind spirals off in many directions including everything BUT route finding. The poor hiker feels alone, desperate, and ashamed, and the view from the top of the cliff is obscured by his fear, and tears, and many furtive glances over his shoulder.
I feel that in the spirit of public service I should advise people that when you are lost; Stop! Go BACK to a place where you know you were not lost, then proceed again paying close attention to clues for the proper route. It's quite simple but not at all obvious at the time.
When you are lost, walking or running mindlessly on will sometimes lead you right off the edge of a cliff.

And Now . . . Something Completely Different

Dear Mr. Ponger; As I train in the off season how much time should I devote to building endurance vs. speed, vs. weight training, vs. technique? I am a triathlete and was also wondering if the proportions are the same for all three sports? Overtrained in Orting.

Dear O.O. The "experts" say that athletic fitness has three components; endurance, strength, and flexibility. They say that different sports require different measures of each. For instance marathoners may have tons of endurance, but not much strength and flexibility, while a weight-lifter has lots of strength and flexibility but no endurance. While the ratios may change, all three are required in some measure to be successful, and the more of each that you have, the better athlete you will be.
This is a nice little formula that works for school administrators when evaluating P.E. curricula, but it doesn't come close to capturing everything it takes to improve as an athlete.
Trainers and sports researchers have now added speed, balance, and core strength to the original three metrics mentioned above. If endurance, strength, and flexibility are the building blocks of an athlete, then speed, balance, and core integrity are the mortar holding it all together. Neither group is worth anything without the other.
Besides musculoskeletal strength, an athlete must also prepare mentally. An athlete will need motivation, resilience, and good technique in order to keep pushing when life and training don't go according to plan.
And of course everyone agrees that training your muscles and your brain aren't worth a darn if you have a lousy diet.
As if that weren't enough, there are many intangible qualities possessed by successful athletes. Athletes must have a healthy sense of humor, understand the importance of sportsmanship, and strive to maintain a good balance between their personal, professional, and athletic lives.
Often times I see people like you try to tackle this list in a systematic or mechanical way. Long rides for endurance -- check. Pilatees for core strength -- check. Push-ups for strength -- check. And so on and so on. They hope that X number of running miles, plus Y number of sit-ups, plus Z number of indoor bike sessions, plus S number of laps in the pool will result in a time of xy:zs.
That is not the way I do things and here is why.
As training methods get more "scientific" they also get more specific and focused. I suggest however that your body and brain respond better to more general and holistic stimuli. Just like a team, or a corporation, or a forest, or any other complex system in the world, an athlete's performance is equal to more than the sum of it's parts. So instead of trying to compartmentalize all of your training, you should strive to work on several, if not all, aspects of training at every practice. Instead of doing lots of indoor bike training where you can maximize your optimal-power-output-to-heart-rate-ratio, you should do most of your riding outside where you can not only strive for optimal power, but also learn to climb, take corners, build endurance, stay focused in a wind storm, and sprint for all the city limit signs.
I understand that addressing each individual component seems rational and efficient, but it is that same kind of "rational and efficient" ethos that turns rivers into reservoirs, workshops into assembly lines, and schools into young adult factories. There is of course a place for the scientific application of basic principles, but to do so at the cost of an holistic approach is I think a mistake.
To illustrate I have to make a confession. I like to play golf. And that game is a good example of what I am talking about. To get better at golf you could go to a driving range and hit a thousand balls, then putt for hours on a practice green, then try chipping over lawn furniture in your back yard and in the end think that you have mastered the skills of the game. But when you are out on the course and you have to hit over a little patch of tall grass between you and the hole, your mind will start to play games with you and that easy chip chunks right into the hazard.
Of course good golfers will practice their skills but they realize it means nothing without the ability to put all the pieces together on the course. Everyone knows Tiger Woods, but no one knows the national long-drive champion. That's because no one cares. Hitting the ball far is not golf. In the same way, high power numbers on a stationary bike will never win you any races. "You idiot," you may say, "The science of sports medicine has advanced tremendously in the last thirty years so it would be down right republican of you to ignore the empirical evidence and cling to the old sloppy ways of training." "Advanced?" you say. Thirty years ago the New York Marathon was won by Alberto and Grete, both of whom ran FASTER than this years winners Meb and Derartu. (Alberto beat Meb by four seconds, and Grete would have won by three minutes). Similarly, the times at the Ironman World Championships in Hawaii are remarkably similar to the times posted twenty years ago when aero handlebars were first introduced. The course record set this year by Chrissy Wellington was 17 years old and all but one of Mark Allen's six first place times would have toasted Craig Allexander this year. So the answer to your question? Work on everything all the time. You won't be alone. Many world class athletes still train this way. Sure, they do lower intensity workouts in the Winter; then ramp things up as the racing season starts; but it is not much more complicated than that. Save the rocket science for firing rockets. Training is something completely different.